Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize