Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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