You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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