I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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