i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Alive.
So much puke
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
