It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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