you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize