So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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