I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
