I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
