Need sex. Gaining weight.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
