I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
