He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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