i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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