What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
