So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
