You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize