why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
