I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
