Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
