...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I had to cum in my sink.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
