That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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