I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
