i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
