She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
