My nipple is on Facebook.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
