I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
