so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well I just put wine in my tea
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
