dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
