She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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