hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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