Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
