first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's Friday. Sex?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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