Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
