It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
whose parrot is this?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
