You're so nebulous sometimes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
