So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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