I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
