was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
