I want to stick my p in your. b.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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