I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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