I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
