My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I wish there were birth control emojis
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
