i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
