He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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