Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
