if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
