I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
