It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
