Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize