Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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