just tell him i said nine months
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
