Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
