My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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