if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
