Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
