Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
