peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
