In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
