Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
