I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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