don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
