cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
