Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
