apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
