Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
