My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
