When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize