you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
