When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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