So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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