her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry about my life...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
