There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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