Just fell off a train. Bad.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
