Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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